dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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