it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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