my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My life is pants optional.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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