worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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