If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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