census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
