I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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