You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
