you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
