Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
