Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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