OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize