ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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