i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize