DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
honey bunches of taint.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
