I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
