yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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