I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
