I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize