Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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