Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
