She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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