is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize