I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
