what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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