I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize