I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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