i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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