I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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