Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
