Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize