I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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