if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
