That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
