I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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