the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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