I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
