dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Damn victory sex feels great
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
