You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
