why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
