my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
