i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do vagina's smell?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
