They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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