Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(226): View more from Ontario

can you blame him?

(519): View more from Ontario

i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT

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(408): View more from California

I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom

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(516): View more from New York

Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on

(917): View more from New York City

Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.

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(917): View more from New York City

Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.

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(940): View more from Texas

He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.

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(518): View more from New York

The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless

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