Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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