I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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