The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
