Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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