I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
