sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
