picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
