tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
