I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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