I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
