You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
