the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
