i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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