You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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