Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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