your thong is hanging out like whoa
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
