I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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