I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
