best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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