i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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