my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
