I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
