I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
