Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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