Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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