This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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