Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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