I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
