The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
