Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
