A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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