considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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