Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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