dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They have beer where we have blood.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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