I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My dick has a subreddit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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