maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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