That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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