my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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