Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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