I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
