Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
