Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
