Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
