If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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