i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
