What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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