The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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