This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
